return my video game
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have already put on my inside pants.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
