Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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