I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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