so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
