my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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