there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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