question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
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