Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
