apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
