Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
