So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
