I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
