talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
