Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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