I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
