What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
