I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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