Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
