On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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