im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
