Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
