We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
