I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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