but the lizard people decide everything anyway
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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