May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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