omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
