my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
