Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
