I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
