There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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