I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
