Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
