I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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