chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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