life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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