1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
