I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
