She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Randomize
