Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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