I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so let's talk penis.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
