I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
