You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
