i was born a porn star she said
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
