Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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