he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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