I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
