I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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