So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
