oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
