Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
